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The Fike “Jazz Duets for Piano and Alto Saxaphone” Are Released!

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Hello again.

As you may know, I occaisionally compose weird music. Well, I just finished recording the weirdest music I’ve ever made!

It’s “jazz”.

I like to make fun of jazz, because it’s basically unstructured and lacking in rhythmic and melodic structure. So, I am proud to announce to you the creation of “Fike Jazz”, which is my take on that genre.

You may listen to it here. Or here. I don’t care.

My Exploits, Stuff, Weird Stuff , , , , 1 Comment

The Santa Conspiracy – Revised and Updated

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Hi! For those of you who know me, you probably have heard of my essay, “The Santa Conspiracy”. Well, some of you have commented that it is not very believable. Thusly, I am considering writing the NEW version of it, which will contain completely altered content. Hopefully, it will be much better than the last one! I’ll let you know when it’s for certain that I’ll start writing it in earnest. However, I whipped out a short little introduction to it yesterday. Here it is. Enjoy!

Many people approach the season of Christmas with a profound feeling of nostalgia. They think back to their childhood experiences with a sense of dreamy recollection, recalling old, happy memories of days of yore. After a spell of cogitation, they usually have a strong desire to instill such memories into the minds of their children. Thus, they steep their progeny’s brains in a culture full of lies, deceit, and commercialism.

This culture is that of the modern-day Christmas.

The parents may believe that they are doing their children a favor, instilling in them that idyllic state of foolish baby innocence, believing that someday they will thank their forefathers for the delightful and entertaining fibs told them.  They invent inane yarns and lies about levitating reindeer, a toy factory on a continent called the North Pole, no less, all of which are incarnated in a single, enigmatic entity: Santa Claus.

That obese and crimson-clad persona has been embraced by parents and toy distributors alike as an effigy of instant gratification. He is nothing less than a symbol of greed, envy and any number of deadly sins. It is sad to think that parents actually enjoy broadcasting Santa propaganda, sowing lies right and left. They play along with the children, oftentimes half believing in the Big Guy themselves. They “fatten up” their children with deceitful half-truths and all-out white lies, preparing them for the mental slaughter. There always comes a day when the truth leaks out, and an entire lifetime of cherished beliefs and childlike faith come plummeting to the cold, hard ground. Whether or not the parents take any sadistic delight in these happenings remains to be reckoned, but the point is this. Sooner or later, the tragic realization comes about, and the child is forced to accept the sorry truth: Santa Claus does not exist.

But what if we’re wrong?

What if, just perhaps, Santa Claus is real? Many children, grown-ups, even, find that with so little known about him, anything is possible. They go about their daily lives, exciting our national press with so-called “Santa sightings” and whatnot, fattening their own children with juicy lies. In the back of everyone’s minds, however, they know that those few believers are completely and undeniably wrong.

But what if they’re not?

What if Santa Claus does exist, just not in the form we imagine him to be in? What if that jolly, chuckling icon of blissful innocence really turned out to be much different, much more sinister than our previous misconceptions? What if, just perhaps, Santa was actually the center of a vile web of government secrecy, brainwashing, corporate deceit and all manner of evilness?

Well, he is.